“But did they actually get better, or did they just run out of sick pay?”
“The system doesn’t have a column for ‘better’. It only has a column for ‘here’ and a column for ‘not here’.”
“So we’re celebrating a 12% reduction in absenteeism without knowing if we’ve actually just increased the rate of people white-knuckling it through a panic attack at their desks?”
“Exactly. We’re measuring the hole, not the person who climbed out of it.”
There are seven distinct categories of non-attendance in the master ledger of the average mid-sized corporation. The software, which was originally purchased to manage the complexities of a three-shift rotation, handles the subtraction of human hours with the cold efficiency of a guillotine. It tracks “Sickness – Minor,” “Sickness – Long Term,” “Family Emergency,” and the ever-mysterious “Other.”
It knows to the second when a login failed to occur and it knows exactly how much to deduct from a bonus pool when a certain threshold of the Bradford Factor-a mathematical formula used to calculate the disruptive impact of absence-is breached.
The Glossy PDF of Human Absence
What it does not know, and what it has never been asked to know, is the state of the human being who eventually reappears in the building. In the annual people report, section four is usually a masterpiece of
