I’m staring at a neon-green bowling ball that weighs 16 pounds, and my big toe is throbbing with a rhythmic, hot intensity where I clipped the edge of my steel-legged desk 26 minutes before the carpool left. The pain is a sharp, jagged reminder of physical reality in an evening that feels increasingly hallucinogenic. The ‘Annual Summer Fun-Fest!!!’ email arrived on a Tuesday with 16 exclamation points in the subject line, a digital scream that left 46 of us vibrating with a specific, quiet dread. We are currently huddled in Lane 36 of a bowling alley that smells like industrial disinfectant and existential despair, performing the ritual of being a ‘family’ for the benefit of a middle manager who is currently 166 percent too enthusiastic about his spare.
The Violence of Forced Enthusiasm
There is a peculiar violence in mandatory joy. It’s the way the invitation isn’t an invitation at all, but a summons to perform emotional labor outside the 46-hour work week we already sacrifice.
I find myself reaching for a slice of pepperoni pizza that has the structural integrity of wet cardboard, while my brain calculates exactly how many emails are piling up in the 226 minutes I will spend here. I hate that I’m here, yet I’m the one who brought the extra socks for the 6 people who forgot them. It’s a classic contradiction:
